The ‘I’ Is Never Lost
PAPAJI: Om. Hari Om. Let there be peace and love among all beings of the planet. Let there be peace. Om Shanti. Shanti. Shanti. Namaskar. Namaskar. Welcome to satsang.
DEVOTEE: When I inquire within I never get to this point that I see other people get to with you. When I was very young my first experience was with this, ‘Who am I?’ question and I had satori. I don’t know if this experience is preventing me now. When I look to who is within I never have this bliss feeling. I know hell. So let’s finish it now, please.
PAPAJI: What do you want?
DEVOTEE: I feel I need your help with this.
PAPAJI: To help. Then give it to others. Are you very happy?
DEVOTEE: In this moment I’m happy.
PAPAJI: What about this moment?
DEVOTEE: That, actually, this moment…
PAPAJI: Yes, this moment. This moment is very important. At this moment you are very happy. Then, what else you want? This moment is always this moment, isn’t it?
DEVOTEE: But when I’m with myself — it is not this.
PAPAJI: No, wait. Please wait. When are you not in this moment?
PAPAJI: Are you not in this moment? Tell me. You are in this moment. When do you give up this moment. Try to get out of this moment and show me.
PAPAJI: Show me and tell me, ‘Now I am not in this moment.’ Tell me. You are always in this moment.
DEVOTEE: No. I’m not. I’m not. This is not true for me. I’m not always in this moment.
PAPAJI: O.K., then tell me, ‘I’m not in this moment now.’ Tell me. That was the mistake you have been committing. Therefore, you have been hitchhiking for the last 35 million years. You were never aware of it. And you were always born and reborn — 8.4 million experiences you have had already. You are not aware of this moment. Now again you are aware; then again you are not aware. Keep aware that you are always in this moment. You said you are not always in this moment. That’s what you said, isn’t it?
DEVOTEE: I don’t find this bliss in this moment. I don’t find this bliss.
PAPAJI: I don’t find?
DEVOTEE: I don’t find this bliss. I don’t find…
PAPAJI: I don’t find. You said, ‘I’. ‘I don’t find. Which is this ‘I’?
DEVOTEE: I don’t know.
PAPAJI: Which is this ‘I’? Which is this ‘I’ which does not find anything? Which is this ‘I’? Find out. Find out. You spoke it to me. ‘I’. Yes, which is this ‘I’? Then I will introduce you to this moment which will never leave you. It is the eternal moment that no death can touch. Do it. What is this ‘I’ you used just now? What do you see in this ‘I’?
DEVOTEE: I feel my sense of…
PAPAJI: Try to understand. What is this ‘I’ you have been using all these years? What is this ‘I’? What is this ‘I’ that you have been using so far? Do you understand? What? Do you understand my question?
DEVOTEE: Yes, I understand your question.
PAPAJI What do you understand? Tell me. Give me an answer. What is this ‘I’? What is the form of this ‘I’? And what do you cling when you touch the ‘I’? If it is an object, do you see, anything, anything? Here are glasses. You see the glasses. You see your shawl. You see your body, whatever it is. When you use the word ‘I’ am doing this, now you are wiping your eyes. ‘I am wiping my eyes’. OK. What is this ‘I’?
DEVOTEE: When I close my eyes and go inside there’s always a form attached. There’s always s sensation attached.
PAPAJI Find out then. Go back to this sensation and find out. How far is your ‘I’ located from you? How far is your “I” located from you — so far that you find it hard to tell me?
PAPAJI: Nothing happened. OK. Keep up to nothing now. Nothing happened is good answer. Nothing happened. So this ‘I’ is nothing, isn’t it? Isn’t it? Isn’t it? So this moment is nothing, isn’t it? This moment is nothing. So try to get out of this nothing now. Try.
DEVOTEE: [Crying and chuckling]
PAPAJI: Try to get out of this moment now. You have always lived with a wicked society and that has troubled you right from the beginning. You have lived with a society that has imposed all these things on you, that you are not free. Now you are in Satsang. Satsang means association with your own self, with your own ‘I’, with your own truth. That’s called association; that’s called Satsang. Associate with your own self. Understand. That’s how I ask you; try to find out what is this “I”. This is Satsang. No one advises you to do this. Do this and do that and go here and go there. That’s what you have learned right from the parents. Then from the priest. Then from the society. That’s all. No one has told you to find out who you are. So here in Satsang we are together to help each other to know who we really are. We’re not the body, are we? Body we’ve got and we were going to leave it sooner or later. So find out who you are. You are not the body and you are not the mind. And you are not the intellect either. Body belongs to you. Mind belongs to you and also the intellect. Find which is left.
DEVOTEE: Something is there.
PAPAJI: Aah! Excellent! Excellent! There is something. Now proceed towards it. You are not this shawl that you are wearing, no. Not the dress. Not the body also. What is not permanent is not you. So you are not the body. Body belongs to you. You forget that every night when you go to sleep, you don’t have body. You don’t have any relations also. So like this, you are not the body. Mind also you are not because you know very well. ‘My mind is at peace. Now my mind is disturbed’. So there is something, some witness of the mind knowing, ‘I am happy and I am not happy.’ So which is that something, therefore, I was taking you, “I”. So find out what this ‘I’ is, you see. So you have to spend few moments. You don’t have to reject this world. You don’t have to go anywhere. Stay where you are. Here. Always in this moment, this very precious moment. This moment. Only this moment is needed to find out who you are. And it’s not lost. When something is lost then only you will try to search. ‘I is never lost. Is it? ‘I’ is never lost When I am searching, ‘I’ is not lost.
PAPAJI: Yes. So you find out what ‘I’ is which is not lost. That which is ever found, ever here. What’s that? Ever-present, eternal. What should you do about it? When it’s eternal, ever-present, omniscient, omnipresent, what have you got to do?
PAPAJI: Nothing. Give up your notions, intentions and concepts of the past. That’s all that you have got to get rid of. Don’t suppress anything. Just be very clear.